


Stoplight Party

by malecnificenttyrus11



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: 1x02, Canon Compliant, Implied Feelings, Late-night talks, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Rewritten Scene, Stoplight Party, Supportive!Victor, benji confides in victor, conflicted!victor, supportive!venji, the version where benji attends the stoplight party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25794370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecnificenttyrus11/pseuds/malecnificenttyrus11
Summary: Victor locks his phone, eyes still focused on his reflection in the mirror. He feels like he's looking at a stranger...someone that he doesn't know.It's true, because he doesn't have the slightest bit of a clue who he is.Deep down, he does have a clue...but he isn't ready to admit that to himself yet.
Relationships: Victor Salazar & Benji Campbell, Victor Salazar/Benji Campbell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 100





	Stoplight Party

Victor turns to shoot a judgemental look at his heavily-intoxicated bestfriend, who's arm is slung over his shoulder, leaning into him with all of his weight as he goes off on a drunken tangent about Lake's new boyfriend.

"Let's just take it easy, alright..." Victor says softly, patting Felix's knee before standing up from his spot on the chair...making Felix stumble into it.

His phone dings with a notification, and he pulls it out of his pocket, smiling when he sees that it's a message from Simon.

_Victor, happy to hear that things are going well at Creekwood, and that your social standing is on the rise._

Not wanting to risk someone potentially seeing the messages between him and Simon Spier---which would inevitably lead to conspiracy over his sexuality...since there would be no other logical explanation for them messaging---he decides to get away from the crowd and head inside.

Once he is a safe distance from the majority of the crowd, he continues to read Simon's message.

_There's nothing wrong with wanting to fit in. Sophomore year...I tried to grow a goatee because I thought it would make me look badass._

Victor chuckles, looking up to see that he was in a relatively-empty hallway, apart from the few scattered partygoers standing around. Not wanting to take any chances, he spots a bathroom, walking in and shutting the door behind him.

_Instead, it made me look like an armpit with lips._

_You just have to make sure that if you're riding the ferris wheel with a cool girl, its because you want to...not because other people want you to._

_Don't be so desperate to fit in that you betray yourself or the people you care about...okay?_

Victor bites his lower lip anxiously as he re-reads Simon's words. 

He glances up at himself in the mirror, Simon's words echoing in his mind.

_If you're riding the ferris wheel with a cool girl, make sure its because you want to._

_Because you want to._

_Don't be so desperate to fit in that you betray yourself._

_Don't betray yourself._

Victor locks his phone, eyes still focused on his reflection in the mirror. He feels like he's looking at a stranger...someone that he doesn't know.

It's true, because he doesn't have the slightest bit of a clue who he is. 

_Deep down, he does have a clue...but he isn't ready to admit that to himself yet._

He knows that Simon is right...that he shouldn't betray himself. But...he isn't even sure _who_ that is yet, and whether or not him being 'interested' in Mia is a betrayal of that.

A part of him knows that he's desperate to fit in here, in a way that he'd never felt like he fit in back in Texas. He's scared shitless of not fitting in.

He also knows that Mia's assumed position in his life makes it easier for him to pretend that he's normal, that he is fitting in...even when he's only pretending.

_Maybe, if he tried hard enough...this all could work._

Victor shakes himself from his thoughts, sparing one more glance at the stranger in the mirror before walking back out into the hallway.

In the distance he can hear the loud thumping of music bouncing off of the walls...the distant chatter of partygoers---and for the first time this night, he feels out of place.

_He feels like he doesn't belong._

After deciding that he needs a break from the party...the _pretending_ , he makes his way further down the hallway, choosing a random room far enough away from the crowd and slipping inside, closing the door behind him. 

Someone clears their throat from behind him, causing him to freeze with his hand on the doorknob. He slowly turns around, eyes widening when he sees Benji sitting on the bed.

"Oh, uh...hey. I'm sorry...I didn't know anyone was in here." Victor rambles out.

Benji laughs softly, smiling, "Hey, Victor. It's okay."

"Are _you_ okay, though? It looks like you're hiding from someone, or _something_..." 

Victor laughs, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, "You _could_ say that."

"I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing in here, away from everyone?" He asks, looking up to meet Benji's eyes.

Benji shrugs, "Parties aren't really my thing, I guess. Well...not _anymore_."

Based on the short amount of time that Victor has known Benji, he'd always assumed that Benji was one of the cool, popular kids...the ones that always attend parties like this. 

"Yeah, I'm learning that they aren't really mine, either...and this is my first one." He jokes, laughing.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Your _first_ party, huh?"

Victor nods, smiling shyly, "Yeah. Things like this didn't really happen back in Texas where I was from. It was more... _conservative_."

Benji laughs softly.

Victor furrows his eyebrows, "But, uh...why did you come to the party then? If it isn't really your thing?" 

Benji is silent, and Victor worries that he might have crossed a line.

"I'm sorry...you don't have to answer that if you don't want to." 

Benji shakes his head, "It's fine. I, uh...got into a fight with my boyfriend and needed the distraction. I would've taken an extra shift at Brasstown tonight instead of coming here but it was too late, so...here I am." 

Victor feels his heart sink in his chest at Benji's words.

_I got into a fight with my boyfriend._

_He has a boyfriend...Benji has a boyfriend._ Victor doesn't know why, but hearing this leaves him with a pit in his stomach. 

He shakes himself out of his thoughts, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm starting to regret coming to the party, though..." he admits.

Victor frowns, "Why?"

Benji falls silent, averting his gaze to his lap, fidgeting his hands nervously.

"I'm sorry...I'm not trying to pry or anything...I know we don't really know eachother-" Victor starts, Benji cutting him off.

"No, it's okay. I mean...I know we don't really know eachother but...for some reason I feel like I can trust you."

Victor smiles, his heart racing in his chest, "Oh. Well...of course you can."

Benji nods, falling silent for a moment while he collects his thoughts.

Victor leans back against the door, crossing his arms over his chest and giving him a patient look.

"Before I came out...I was kind of a mess. I knew that I was gay but, I didn't want to be. So...I drank," he pauses, "a _lot_."

_Well...he was definitely not expecting that._

Benji glances over at him, chewing on his lower lip anxiously. Victor gives him a reassuring smile, gesturing for him to continue.

He shifts his gaze back down to his lap, "The drinking started out as a coping thing, a way of...drowning out reality, I guess...but over time it started to spiral out of control. It got to the point where...I didn't even know what time of day it was, because I was wasted practically all of the time."

Victor watches as a look of embarrassment appears on Benji's face, and he frowns.

He wants nothing more than to walk over to Benji, to sit down beside him and comfort him. But they don't know eachother well enough for that, and he doesn't want to cross any boundaries or make Benji uncomfortable. 

He doesn't want to ruin the potential blossoming friendship---or wishful thinking...something _more_ \---between them. 

Benji's voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

"And one night...I got _super_ wasted, and decided that I wanted Wendy's, real bad..." he pauses, letting out a self-depricating laugh," so...I took my dad's car to the drive through..."

"I don't remember how I managed to get there, but...that's exactly what I did. I drove through...the Wendy's." he confesses.

Victor gasps, "Oh my _god_..." he breathes out.

He hesitates for a moment, walking towards Benji and gesturing to the spot next to him, "Is it okay if I..."

Benji nods, "Yeah..."

Victor sits down beside Benji, folding his hands in his lap and turning to look at him.

"Luckily no one got hurt, but...I totaled my dad's car." He continues.

Victor frowns, "Wow, that's intense..." he pauses, "were...were you okay, or..."

Benji turns to meet Victor's eyes, taken aback by his question, "Oh, yeah...just banged up. But waking up in the hospital with my parents standing over me. I realized that I could've died, without ever really being who i was. And so that's when I came out."

Victor gives Benji a small smile, his words striking a chord within him. 

_I could've died, without ever really being who I was._

Victor never thought of it that way. He never even took the time to realize just how short life is, and just how important it was to live it to the fullest...live it to the fullest as _himself_.

_Whoever it was that he was._

Benji speaks up again, pulling him from his thoughts, "After that, I racked up a hefty mountain of fines to pay, got my license suspended indefinitely, and, as part of my parole...had to start attending AA meetings."

"Woah, that's...a lot." Victor breathes out, trying to process all of the information that Benji had just confided in him with.

When Victor first met Benji, everything about him seemed perfect. He seemed so sure of himself, so confident...so put-together. He never even considered the fact that maybe...he wasn't as perfect as meet-the-eye.

_For some reason, the revelation that Benji wasn't so put-together made him even more attractive to Victor._

_It made him real, and for once...Victor wanted something real._

"I'm a year sober now. And I normally avoid parties like this to avoid a potential slip-up...since it's still difficult, y'know?" He says.

Victor nods, "Yeah...I get that."

He sighs, "But then...I got into a fight with Derek, my boyfriend...and I just needed the distraction. I didn't think this plan through, as you can see."

Victor frowns, "I'm so sorry that all of that happened to you, Benji. But...it's so great that you're a year sober." 

Benji glances over at him, giving him a half smile, "Thanks, Victor. It hasn't been easy, and there were alot of moments when I thought I would slip up. I just don't want to go back to that dark place...I don't want it to define me."

"Well, I know it might not mean much but...judging by how much you've gone through and overcame...you're a really strong person. And...I believe in you." Victor affirms.

Benji's eyes widen, a shocked smile appearing on his lips, "I...thank you, Victor. I don't hear that very often so...it means a lot."

Victor smiles, "You're actually the only person I've told at school about the accident, so if you could..."

He knows exactly what Benji is going to say, and nods, "No, of course. I wouldn't say anything. But...thank you for trusting me enough to tell me." 

"Of course. You're just..." he pauses, " _so_ easy to talk to."

Victor blushes, looking down at his lap.

"You're easy to talk to, too." he admits.

A comfortable silence falls between them. After a few minutes, Benji glances over at Victor.

"So...how have things been at school, since the whole...'Andrew' situation?" He asks.

Victor sighs, shrugging, "They're okay, I guess. People have stopped making fun of me over it but...i'm still humiliated." 

Benji frowns, "There's no reason to feel humiliated, Victor. Andrew has always been a jerk, to everyone. He's even said his fair share of snide, homophobic comments about me, too."

" _Really_?" Victor asks.

"Yeah...being one of the few openly gay students at Creekwood pretty much makes you the perfect prey for jocks." He laughs.

Victor sighs, shaking his head, "That's just... so shitty, I'm sorry, Benji."

He shrugs, "It's okay. Eventually you learn to ignore it...and that their comments don't carry any weight in your life. The same thing goes for what he said about you." 

Victor looks down at his lap, fidgeting his hands, "I mean...he wasn't _wrong_. I mean, I'm not poor, but...I'm not Creekwood rich either. I never really felt ashamed of it until it was pointed out, I guess."

Benji shifts so that he's facing Victor, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Victor. It doesn't matter how much money you have. You're a great person, and have far more going for you than the majority of the rich ass kids at Creekwood." 

Victor smiles, looking up to meet Benji's eyes, "Thank you for that, and..." he pauses, "for helping me yesterday. It meant a lot."

"Of course."

Victor sighs, face falling slightly.

"Is everything okay?" Benji asks, voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, it's just...I still don't have enough money to join the basketball team. I think I'm going to have to kiss that goodbye..." He whispers.

Benji frowns, "Basketball means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

Victor nods, "Yeah. I've been playing since I was younger, and it's always been an escape for me. I honestly can't imagine not playing, not having that distraction...especially with things being hard at home."

"I understand that all too well..." Benji says, giving him a sad smile, "But listen...I know that today's barista lesson didn't go perfectly..."

Victor laughs, "You can be honest, I was a total disaster. Like...an embarrassingly bad disaster." 

Benji rolls his eyes fondly, shaking his head, "Trust me, I've seen worse...and that _isn't_ the first time i've been sprayed with steamed milk."

Victor blushes as he thinks back to earlier in the day---the way his heart raced the closer he got to Benji, the way he was completely mesmerized by him as he watched him work, the way his brain short-circuited when Benji touched him---

"Look...none of the rich ass kids at school need jobs so, you were kind of my only applicant. And if you want it...the position is yours." Benji offers.

Victor's eyes widen, "Wait... _really_?" he asks, voice excited.

Benji smiles, "Yeah."

Victor falls silent for a moment, considering the offer.

He can't even think about the fact that he'll have the money to join the basketball team, all he can think about is the fact that he'd get to spend almost everyday with Benji.

The thought makes his heart nearly burst out of his chest.

"Yeah, that...that would be _great_. I...thank you, Benji." Victor says, trying his best to keep his voice level and contain his excitement.

Benji beams at him, "Of course." 

He clears his throat, "I should probably get going but...thanks for being here for me, Victor. Talking to you... _really_ helped."

Victor tries to hide his disappointment, giving him a soft smile, "Of course. Thank you for letting me."

"You made it really easy to." 

Victor looks down at his lap, blushing. Benji rests a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it before standing up and making his way towards the bedroom door.

He pauses, turning around, "Oh...and Victor?"

"Yeah?" He glances over at Benji, raising an eyebrow.

"You wore green to the stoplight party..." he breathes out, gesturing to his outfit.

Victor glances down at the jacket, eyes widening, "Oh, uh...no, actually. This isn't my jacket, it's...Andrew's?"

Benji raises an eyebrow, an unreadable expression on his face, "Andrew's?"

"Yeah, it's a long story. Well...not really. I was wearing a different color but...he told me it would seem too desperate so, he gave me this." He explains, gesturing to the jacket.

Benji rolls his eyes, laughing, "Sounds kind of like my boyfriend. Showing you like someone isn't desperate, it's romantic. So...what color are you wearing, then?" 

Victor suddenly feels nerves settle in the pit of his stomach. After the very interesting barista lesson with Benji, Victor decided to wear yellow to the stoplight party. At first, he tried to convince himself that he wore it because of Mia. He wanted to have worn it for Mia.

_But the truth was...he wore yellow because he felt something towards Benji. And a part of him hoped that Benji would be at the party._

Victor hesitates for a moment before reaching down to unzip the jacket...pushing it off of his shoulders.

Victor watches as Benji eyes him up-and-down, flushing at the intensity of his gaze. 

He smiles, "Yellow...for your _ferris wheel boo,_ I'm assuming?" he teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

Victor bites his lower lip, looking down at his lap, "Oh, uh...I don't know. She's not my boo. We're, uh...not together." 

"Oh? I just assumed that because of the Creeksecrets post. Is there...someone else?" He asks, voice...hopeful? 

Victor is silent for a moment, unsure of whether or not he should answer that question, "Uh...there _might_ be. I'm not sure yet."

_He's completely sure._

Benji smiles, "Well...whoever she is, is a lucky lady."

Victor internally cringes at Benji's words.

Right...Benji thinks that he's straight. Victor is trying to convince himself that he is straight, or that he could be straight...that he can make things work with girls. 

And then he's around Benji, and the walls he's built around himself come crumbling down.

"Yeah..." Victor breathes out, knowing that he can't talk to Benji about this...atleast not tonight.

"Well..." Benji says, opening the door and turning to look back at Victor, "I'll see you tomorrow, and _everyday_ after school... _until the end of time_." he teases, smirking.

"We are going to be spending _a lot_ of time together." he adds.

Victor feels his heart flutter at the thought of working with benji. 

"I can't wait." he admits, smiling.

"Me either..." Benji breathes out, leaning against the doorframe. 

Silence falls between them for a few seconds, gazes lingering on eachother.

"Goodnight, Victor." Benji finally says, sending him one more smile before walking out the door and into the hallway.

Victor's gaze stays locked on the spot where Benji just stood, heart racing rapidly in his chest. 

He stays sat in his spot on the bed, not wanting the moment between them to disappear. Eventually, he decides that he better go and find Felix...who he'd left with the basketball team a long time ago. 

Even as he walks out of the bedroom...walks out of that moment where just he and Benji existed. Where he existed as himself...he still can't get rid of the feeling of the moment---he can still feel the warmth radiating off of Benji's body, still feel the phantom touch of his hand against Victor's shoulder, still see his bright smile in his mind---

_And God...he couldn't wait to walk back into that moment tomorrow._


End file.
